If that was your dad, he is hot
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
