I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
