So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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