definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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