I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
