whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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