my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
