are you still at the devil's house?
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
