Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
