I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
