Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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