omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
