don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
