Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
