Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
