Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
