no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
