I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
