We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
