i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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