He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
