I think I died a long time ago.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
