Do you still have your period?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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