you traded sex for a burrito?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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