I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
