Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
