It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
