In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
