he wants to bone in the snuggie
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You were trust falling into bushes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
