you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
