We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
