it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
