Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
