My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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