Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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