your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
