apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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