whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
