Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You ruined the universe
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
