FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
