Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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