I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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