And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
