Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
