i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
