your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
