12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize