He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
