what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
