I heard we made out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
false alarm, still single
Randomize
