We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
