the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My vagina just recognized that song.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
