woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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