I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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