There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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