I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
