last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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