I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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