dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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