I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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