Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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