I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
