My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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