plz talk dirty to me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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