Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize