I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.