Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just tell him i said nine months

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  (630): just tell him i said nine months http://tfl.nu/oqo8
  Replies (4) Good night (719) Bad night (3833)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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  (518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3
  Replies (10) Good night (794) Bad night (2046)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now

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  (314): like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now http://tfl.nu/ltgd
  Replies (32) Good night (1351) Bad night (4243)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.

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  (908): a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester. http://tfl.nu/e11n
  Replies (52) Good night (4157) Bad night (700)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

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  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (26510) Bad night (1543)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.

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  (479): Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain. http://tfl.nu/si9l
  Replies (13) Good night (1061) Bad night (5084)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?

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  (425): This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/qkoi
  Replies (2) Good night (2230) Bad night (855)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.

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  (608): Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style. http://tfl.nu/f4ko
  Replies (7) Good night (1553) Bad night (998)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good

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  (701): it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good http://tfl.nu/dzm0
  Replies (7) Good night (1435) Bad night (872)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.

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  (775): Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected. http://tfl.nu/2ksx
  Replies (6) Good night (484) Bad night (2241)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.

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  (610): I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life. http://tfl.nu/8k8d
  Replies (7) Good night (864) Bad night (978)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep

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  (503): There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep http://tfl.nu/pt1q
  Replies (6) Good night (601) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.

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  (561): I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution. http://tfl.nu/nib7
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.

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  (803): Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time. http://tfl.nu/1oum
  Replies (5) Good night (626) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..

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  (631): Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too.. http://tfl.nu/0nji
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (539)

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