in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
