Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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