Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

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  (732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag
  Replies (23) Good night (3210) Bad night (572)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You're the end to all my bad dreams.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?

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  (775): You're the end to all my bad dreams. (702): Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again? http://tfl.nu/buiw
  Replies (6) Good night (790) Bad night (2003)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.

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  (305): look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no. http://tfl.nu/new9
  Replies (23) Good night (1522) Bad night (3888)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

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  (519): He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba. http://tfl.nu/mbtr
  Replies (7) Good night (2830) Bad night (743)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'

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  (802): I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress' http://tfl.nu/zrhx
  Replies (4) Good night (1359) Bad night (758)
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  (949): View more from California

  You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"

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  (949): You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this" http://tfl.nu/ckz0
  Replies (6) Good night (1261) Bad night (1897)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.

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  (724): Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me (1-724): He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit. http://tfl.nu/ml5w
  Replies (5) Good night (1444) Bad night (481)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked

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  (309): I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked http://tfl.nu/2y25
  Replies (5) Good night (879) Bad night (347)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public

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  (843): i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public http://tfl.nu/vwkw
  Replies (1) Good night (673) Bad night (344)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?

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  (614): So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes? http://tfl.nu/y2f0
  Replies (8) Good night (907) Bad night (306)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes

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  (608): We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes http://tfl.nu/pi7l
  Replies (1) Good night (525) Bad night (267)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.

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  (270): I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony. http://tfl.nu/dln2
  Replies (1) Good night (531) Bad night (266)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...

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  (315): Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive... http://tfl.nu/bhkn
  Replies (3) Good night (293) Bad night (439)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.

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  (970): The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese. http://tfl.nu/ftp9
  Replies (4) Good night (381) Bad night (614)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.

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  (708): Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry. http://tfl.nu/gvhn
  Replies (0) Good night (533) Bad night (183)

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