I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party