rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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