I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
